make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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