k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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