Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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