guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
