She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
