Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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