Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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