I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
