I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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