You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They took my balls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
