If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
