He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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