I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
