Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
