I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
birth control should be required to get into college
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
