Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
