I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
