I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
