Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
