i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
