Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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