Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize