Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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