Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He felt like a one man threesome
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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