for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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