i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
