she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i think im in europe. pls send help
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize