Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this boner is exhausting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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