i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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