And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
