apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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