college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
