I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
