you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
