isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize