she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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