i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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