There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
