all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
