I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
