Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
