dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
