whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
