her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
