So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
