Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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