So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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