hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
