How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize