all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
