Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
