I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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