she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
