I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He felt like a one man threesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
