Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
