I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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