Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
