you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
