Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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