If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
grandma shit on top of the toilet
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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