just come out here and I will go home with you...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
