Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize