I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
