sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
These tits shall not be calmed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
