Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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