I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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