I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
