I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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