Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
