i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
