lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize