This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
