I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
