That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
