I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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