You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
