I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
