yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize