Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
