I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
